Good Girls

August 14, 2014 § Leave a comment

Good girls don’t have sex.
Good girls dress modestly.
Good girls don’t drink too much.
Good girls don’t flirt too much.
Good girls play hard to get to make him “work for it” because they’re “worth it.” (The “it” they’re worth apparently being stalking and not taking “no” for an answer. This, it would seem, is what good girls call “romance.”)

Good girls get married.

After that,
Good girls do for their man.
Good girls look nice for their husbands.
Good girls perform all their wifely duties, including cooking, child rearing,  laundry, and having sex with their husbands.
Good girls know that sex with them can be reward for good behavior, and that withholding it can be an effective punishment for bad behavior. After all, enjoyment of sex is only for men anyway.
However, if good girls do not perform their sexual duties often enough, their husbands may have to make them do so. This is not rape, because if they’d been a good wife, this never would have happened.

Good girls have no agency.
Good girls have no rights or control over their own bodies.
Good girls’ bodies are the property of their husbands, their fathers, their churches, their PTAs, the media, and strangers on the street or the internet.

I do not want to be a good girl.
I do not want my daughter to be a good girl.
I do not want either of my children to marry a good girl.
I want to have the whole notion of how to be a good girl wiped off the face of the earth.
I want it to be replaced with how to be a strong girl, how to be a smart girl, how to take control of your own body, how to be in command of your own agency, and how to fight back if anyone ever violates that for any reason.

I will never be a good girl.

Date Rape

August 14, 2014 § Leave a comment

I’m getting really tired of the attitude that “date rape” is a lesser crime than “real rape” (because it’s not really rape if the person bought you a cheeseburger before forcing you to have sex with them).
How is being assaulted and violated by someone you trusted, someone whom you had an interest in at least at some point, and someone you will quite likely have to face socially after they’ve raped you, somehow not that big a deal?
Stranger rape is a violent assault that is also a hate crime.
Date rape is a violent assault that is also a catastrophic breach of trust.
Date rape is also much more common, yet grossly underreported, because the victims keep being told it’s not a big deal.
Being raped by someone you trusted, and then having to face your rapist in social settings, is a big deal. It’s a very big deal.
So let’s please start supporting our friends and loved ones when they’ve been violated, and stop telling their abusers it’s no big deal that they raped our friend.

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