June 29, 2015 § Leave a comment




: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities

So when I hear “I don’t like feminism, I just want everyone to be equal,” they’re showing ignorance of what the word even means. Which isn’t inherently a bad thing, there are lots of things I don’t know, we’re all human. But insisting on clinging to ignorance something else. It’s OK to learn and change. After all, there was a time that I didn’t understand what feminism was, and thought I was against it, when the truth was I actually *was* a feminist, I just had a messed up idea of what that was.


\ˈmärj-nə-ˌlīz, ˈmär-jə-nəl-ˌīz\


: to put or keep (someone) in a powerless or unimportant position within a society or group

Whenever a member of the one group in our society who is in no way marginalized, a straight white cis male, accuses me of marginalizing him because I’m “not listening to” (read: not agreeing with) him, again it tells me he doesn’t understand what the words he’s using mean. Even if, in any of these circumstances, I *had* actually been behaving like the ball busting man hating straw feminist I was being ridiculously accused of being, I *still* couldn’t have marginalized any of these men if I’d tried. And I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with being a straight white cis male, not at all, it’s who some folks happen to be. But if you happen to  be one, in this society, you’ve *never* been marginalized, and almost certainly never will be in my lifetime.

Definitions pulled directly from the top definition on:


Rape is Not a Gender Issue

October 14, 2014 § Leave a comment

Can we please stop treating rape as a women vs men issue? It’s not. Yet every time I say anything about it it gets lumped in with feminism. Every time tighter laws are discussed, supporters say they’re “protecting women” as if these laws wouldn’t benefit men, when in fact men get raped too, or that they’ll “hurt men” despite the fact at a legal redefinition of rape would make it much much easier for male victims to press charges.
Do women get raped more often than men? Yes. However, rape of men is a lot more common than people realize, and it is grossly underreported.
But that’s not even my main issue with it.
A lot of the problem with rape prevention education lies with this false perception that it’s just something men do to women. So everything is focused on women preventing rape, and that approach is problematic at best, when it’s *all* you’re doing.
Lately there has been a big push to also teach men not to rape, which is a huge step forward, I’m not denying that for a moment. But it’s still extremely gendered.
We need to teach *everyone* what consent *is,* what it is *not,* and why it is so vital.
Because rape culture isn’t just about the objectification of women. It’s about the hypersexual stereotype of men. The idea that men always want it. So no one believes them when they say they didn’t. And even more insidious, they internalize it and are afraid to say no when they don’t want it, because they fear it would make them less of a man.
Women who will make a huge stink if a man touches her without permission will touch a man without a second thought.

Rape culture is everywhere, and it effects everyone. Rape prevention is not about teaching self defense classes to women. It’s about eliminating the culture that tells men that women are objects to be had, and tells women that men always want sex.
But we can’t do this in a vacuum. To eliminate our culture of rape, we must *create* a culture of consent. Consent is the key. And driving home was consent is, what it is not, why it is important, why you must have it first, and that it is always OK to not give consent or to revoke it at any time, and that that must be respected, into the minds and hearts of our society, is how we will eradicate rape culture.
It’s really very simple: only yes means yes. Regardless of gender, orientation, social status, or any other factor. So let’s drop the qualifiers.

Good Girls

August 14, 2014 § Leave a comment

Good girls don’t have sex.
Good girls dress modestly.
Good girls don’t drink too much.
Good girls don’t flirt too much.
Good girls play hard to get to make him “work for it” because they’re “worth it.” (The “it” they’re worth apparently being stalking and not taking “no” for an answer. This, it would seem, is what good girls call “romance.”)

Good girls get married.

After that,
Good girls do for their man.
Good girls look nice for their husbands.
Good girls perform all their wifely duties, including cooking, child rearing,  laundry, and having sex with their husbands.
Good girls know that sex with them can be reward for good behavior, and that withholding it can be an effective punishment for bad behavior. After all, enjoyment of sex is only for men anyway.
However, if good girls do not perform their sexual duties often enough, their husbands may have to make them do so. This is not rape, because if they’d been a good wife, this never would have happened.

Good girls have no agency.
Good girls have no rights or control over their own bodies.
Good girls’ bodies are the property of their husbands, their fathers, their churches, their PTAs, the media, and strangers on the street or the internet.

I do not want to be a good girl.
I do not want my daughter to be a good girl.
I do not want either of my children to marry a good girl.
I want to have the whole notion of how to be a good girl wiped off the face of the earth.
I want it to be replaced with how to be a strong girl, how to be a smart girl, how to take control of your own body, how to be in command of your own agency, and how to fight back if anyone ever violates that for any reason.

I will never be a good girl.

Date Rape

August 14, 2014 § Leave a comment

I’m getting really tired of the attitude that “date rape” is a lesser crime than “real rape” (because it’s not really rape if the person bought you a cheeseburger before forcing you to have sex with them).
How is being assaulted and violated by someone you trusted, someone whom you had an interest in at least at some point, and someone you will quite likely have to face socially after they’ve raped you, somehow not that big a deal?
Stranger rape is a violent assault that is also a hate crime.
Date rape is a violent assault that is also a catastrophic breach of trust.
Date rape is also much more common, yet grossly underreported, because the victims keep being told it’s not a big deal.
Being raped by someone you trusted, and then having to face your rapist in social settings, is a big deal. It’s a very big deal.
So let’s please start supporting our friends and loved ones when they’ve been violated, and stop telling their abusers it’s no big deal that they raped our friend.


July 29, 2014 § Leave a comment

Guys, pay attention to the story she tells near the beginning.
When women complain that they are constantly being judged on how they look, there are always a few guys who say, “So are we!” And yes, you are, everyone is, I’m not denying that.
But men are *not* judged on their appearance to the pervasive degree women are. A woman can’t express an opinion without people dissecting whether or not her *outfit* supports her opinion.
Yes, there are certain ways one dresses for certain things, and both men and women are both going to be judged if they don’t conform to that.
The difference is, women continue to have their appearance scrutinized, and their entire worth based on that scrutiny, outside of those situations.
Have you ever read an article about a man wherein the writer said he said some great things, but he doesn’t believe it because of what kind of shorts he was wearing?
The first time I remember seeing this it was the early 80s, I was just just a wee child and a huge Madonna fan. I remember a rant she had about interviewers asking her more questions about her belly button than about her music.
This is insane, people!

This is What a Feminist Looks Like

July 18, 2014 § Leave a comment


This is what a feminist looks like.
Does that surprise you? Should I be more manish?
Should I forego the bright red nails and lips that make me happy in order to better fit the feminist stereotype the patriarchy convinced you was real in order to dissuade you from fighting for your own freedom?
Does that sound paranoid? Is it really that hard to believe that the very same society that taught you that looks were the most important thing about a woman then used that very fear they created and told you we were ugly and manish to keep you from listening to us? That the people who taught you that boys won’t like you if you’re “too successful” then told you that we would reject you if you aren’t career obsessed?
“But why would they do that?”
It’s not malicious. Not really. And these things are so ingrained the majority don’t even realize they’re doing it. But to answer your question, they do it because it keeps them in power.
This is what feminism is about. Balancing out the power.  Gender equality. And this is what a feminist looks like.

Would it make you feel better to know I don’t shave my legs? This is not a feminist mandate, but rather a personal choice. I do shave my pits, because smelly. But frankly I encourage men to at least keep theirs trimmed for the same reason.
And you know what? Last night I went out on a warm summer evening bare legged in a short sundress and no one said a damn thing and most people didn’t even notice.
Not like when I went to the zoo with my family wearing shorts. People glared at my hairy legs.

Wait. Let’s think about that for a moment. People are so accustomed to women’s bodies belonging to the public and not themselves that not only were total strangers actively offended by a personal choice that does not affect them in any way, but they felt so completely justified in judging a total stranger’s body that they openly *glared* at my *legs.*
My legs, apparently, make them angry for existing in their natural form.

This is what a feminist looks like. Feminine, red lips, red nails, sundresses, and hairy legs. Because these are all *my* choices. Feminists can look like anyone, any woman, any man, any trans, anyone. That’s kind of the entire point.


July 17, 2014 § Leave a comment